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When It’s Time to Have the S-E-X Talk

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the SEX talk with Passport to Purity

Yes, I did just type THOSE letters. Take a deep breath and keep reading. I promise, it’s all good!

It wasn’t long ago that I was almost sick to my stomach anticipating a weekend away with my oldest and THE BIG CONVERSATION (yep, the sex talk) that we were going to have. We both returned from that weekend having grown closer, questions answered, and an open door for future questions and talks. In short, I was so relieved.

That said, my anticipation of taking McKenna (our now 12 year old) out for the night with just me to have the same talk – well, it was MUCH different. I was actually excited because I had one talk under my belt and a love for a program that made the entire adventure fun.

Before I go much further, I will say that McKenna is an entirely different girl than her older sister. Where one is more reserved and self-reflecting, the other is energetic and burns with the passion of a thousand suns (emotionally and otherwise). Dresses vs. sports jerseys. Quite frequently – polar opposites.

McKenna though was very excited to have a night away with me in a hotel, so we started planning a few things to do just as girl time for the two of us, but very different from the weekend I spent with her sister. Truthfully, this was the most stretching time for me just figuring out what in the world we could do that wasn’t girly (no nails painted), but would be fun and memorable.

And we had the BEST time together. Really, this weekend opened up some great communication that has been trickling (and pouring) in over the past several months, something that the two of us have struggled with.

Several years ago we ordered Passport2Purity put together by Dennis and Barbara Rainey from Family Life Ministries. {It’s here that I will insert a note to say that if you are stressed about talking with your kids and not sure how to approach it with your kids, order it NOW to use together}.

Passport2Purity

The Passport2Purity Weekend Retreat Kit is hands-down a fabulous resource for parents to use and covers SO much more than just the basics. During the weekend we talked about friendships, peer pressure, sex, setting boundaries, keeping pure, and dating. While several of the topics having fully come into play yet, our time together gave us the opportunity to talk about things before they were issues and lay some guidelines in place.

Having the sex talk passort to purity

The entire weekend was laid out for us through the parent’s manual that comes in the kit and we listened to audio teachings from the Rainey’s, pausing the cds occasionally to answer questions together and have more heart-to-heart conversations. (Oh you all, this was the BEST PART EVER). .

Passport to Purity journal

McKenna had a blast using her journal {included in the kit} for her to take notes in as well. Prior to the weekend, Rick and I each took time to write her a letter that she read before our weekend away. But she wrote, doodled, wrote some more and has the journal to keep as a reminder of the weekend. It was so wonderful to see her thoughts in place too – people in her life that she considers influential (and yes, she had her sister in there too).

journaling passport to purity

Because she isn’t a girly girl (she is very much against anything that typically involved nail polish), we decided to head to a local pottery place, chose a mug, and worked together on something for her to remember the weekend by. Can you guess what she is making?

minion mug

The end product turned out so cute!!  She loves getting coffee on Sunday mornings, so for her, this was a HUGE treat! Besides that, the mug makes us smile every time we see it or she uses it. LOVE it.

We wrapped up our trip to a local antique mall where she chose a tea cup to use in our sit-downs in the upcoming years. The tea cup is something she can pull out if she ever wants to talk to me about anything, we’ll brew a pot of something, and together we will sit down together to talk. The tea cup also was to represent how delicate her purity is and how gently we need to care for it. She was thrilled to have a special cup for her {it took us nearly an hour to find the perfect one!}.

Over the last several months since our night away, the communication has definitely improved between us and opened up some good (and hard) conversations about things that are happening around us. I am SO thankful because it has given both of us a jumping off point into an otherwise uncomfortable topic.

 

Did you take a special weekend or time to talk with your child about sex and dating? Was there something memorable that you did together to remember the time together?

Note: This post was in no way solicited by Family Life – it’s just simply one mom and dad’s thankfulness for a fabulous resource for families to use! I love that we just need to order an additional journal for each child to use it again.

This post may contain affiliate or advertiser links. Read my full disclosure policy .


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Comments

  1. I love the teacup idea! I’ll be doing this with my older daughter (my husband already had the weekend with our son) next year. She loves antique shops, so that will be perfect.

  2. Are you aware of any books for boys that cover puberty but don’t include s-e-x? I was able to find one for my daughter at his age but so far all the boy books I’ve found include things I’m not ready (and he’s not ready) to know about. I just want something that talks about his changing body, personal care, etc. Thanks for any help you can give!

    • Brandy,

      I’ve asked some of my friends and don’t know of any. Typically, we’ve just answered any questions as they’ve come up, since girls usually hit the big puberty issues before boys (chest and possible period, etc..). Our overall plan is to sit down with them around age 11 to 12 and use Passport to Purity with them. I’ll let you know if I think of anything, but the hygiene and such have been things we’ve just talked about in general (because our oldest KNOWS he stinks!). :) We made it a bit deal in picking out deodorant (and the rest of the household was thankful).

    • The Boy’s Body Book is pretty good. :)

  3. Padma Krishnan says:

    hey Jolanthe,
    We are not there yet, I have 11 year old and a 8 year old but wonderful ideas. My question is about read alouds though.My 11 year old is constantly interrupting, I dont like myself when I tell her to be quiet, my 8 year old has non verbal autism, so it is ironic that I am telling my older one to shush… but yet, can barely get any audio reading done, what are some of the tricks you use, to get some audio reading/listening done and yet enjoy the questions and comments? Also do you use CDs or downloads from amazon? I am going to order “under drakes flag” and it is available as an instant download/book and cd,,, our library has audio cassettes- we dont even own the tape player anymore., do you get all four kids in one place, and give breaks for bathroom etc when you are reading… we end up taking more breaks that reading… curious on how you read with four kids. I love your lists and use them al the time btw.

    • Usually we try to read in the evenings after dinner (or sometimes in the afternoon when we have some time) and the general rule is: no tv until we read together. :) The kids sometimes have Legos or something to color in the meantime too – and if we need to stop for a bathroom break, that’s ok. :)

  4. I’m still a few years off, but I did get this kit as a review item, and along with another blog post I read a few years ago (that I need to find again :p ), I’m looking forward to that special time with my girls.

  5. Kristal_knit1kids4 says:

    We love this… well my husband did as he did it with the boys. My turn is next as two daughters come up to age. I’m a little nervous about it but I am looking forward to the one on one time with my daughter.

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